What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Help me help you realize you are a moron
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
