Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
