I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
