you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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