i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
