We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
