Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
