Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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