like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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