So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
