It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
