It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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