Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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