The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
