You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
