Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize