I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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