oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
