I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
