I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
