took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
