i love accidental penises.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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