At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We are two peas in an std pod
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm bleeding and have questions
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
