i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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