there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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