so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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