I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
