I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
