It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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