Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize