I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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