the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
