You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
