Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
