Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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