I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
