i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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