I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
