Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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