Buhtt sex?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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