The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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