epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
