I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
why do cheetos always look like penises
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm both gender and math confused
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
