Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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