I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize