You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
