dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize