i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So vagazzling was a success
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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