You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
