we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
