quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
