i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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