I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
