Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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