I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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