I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
me + whiskey = a bad person
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
