I must be too annoying 4 u.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
