I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
