I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
