"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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