when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
