Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
