he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
