I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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