I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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